my parents are so annoying..they wont allow me to leave the fucking house. i'm so sick of this shit. its ridiculous

for real..all these people are fucking stupid.

it's like ew, grow up. i can't freakin deal with all this ridiculous crap.
i dont even want to answer the door or pick up the phone because it makes me mad. oh god it makes me mad.


...thanksgiving was good. i'm glad that the family came. aunts uncles, cousins, gramma. the whole she-bang. lol..i enjoyed it. and i've decided that i'm going to be friends with alberto, and that's all..i'm just going to be friends wiht him. it's my choice and he's important to my life. he's a good friend and he fucking appreciates my mentality.

also..i've decided that I shouldn't have to be friends with rachael..unless it happens naturally. her friendship honestly wasn't that good because all she did was say things about me behind my back. and that's the same for liz. they both weren't ever my real true friends. i think i just made them laugh and that was good enough for them.

Here's to you:
Liz: you were always a good friend to me. we have our occasional fight. but inthe end it all ends up fine. just remember liz, you can't get rid of my punk ass that easily....remember the rice???



Rachael: we were never really great friends because you were always too good for me. i felt like because i didn't shop at abercrombie i wasn't *good* enough to be around you. which truly isn't fair. it never really hit me until lately that we NEVER had a real relationship. we never had a friendship. which was fine with me but i just thought it was ridiculous that now, especially since its the peak of when you are going to care the most about what other people think, you would want to be my friend. i mean i'm still trailer trash. i still dont have to kind of money that you have. so..why would you want to be close to me. i just dont understand, i was never good enough for you before and now i'm where you want to be...it's just strange that your mood can change so durastically. scares me. it's just that we can be friends and it should be easy but it isn't and that's why we aren't? i'm not sure.

troy alexiadis is the hottest guy in the *entire* world. he's got a nice ass!! all the girls in town wanna do him. they wanna rip his clothes off and *ride 'em like a fuckin' stallion* lol..you know you love troy!?

there's so many times when i just sit back and look at the moments in time where i was happy. times when i didn't have to *search* for happiness. times when i wasn't alone. when i had people that i love. and when i look back at these times..i was with my family. i was with the people that love me back adn wouldn't stab me in the back. that's what i need. i think back and it was always around the holiday's around this time. weird...exciting. it's thanksgiving day today.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING DAY EVERYONE!?!? enjoy the turkey all you fat kids! i know i will....there's a particular fat kid i want to say..eat all the turkey to!?! you know who you are fat kid. i luh you like a fat kid luh...well *everything*.

today...wow. i'm annoyed that i even have to say this. we got caught cutting class today. me and sydney and adolfo. it was rather fun..at least we will all be together. life...oh well

http://www.explodingdog.com/august6/wheresmyambition.html

http://www.explodingdog.com/august6/temphappy.html
MrPlayboy650: im choclate fudge covered brownie
CaliSurfer821: joo my white trash devil

i hate my friends....
i hate life...
i hate everyone...
i hate hating...


its hard to make myself love people. i'm emotionially drained. and it hurts my heart to know i could be happy and i'm fucking not!?! people are sad and it's incredibly sad to know that they are this stupid. and they TRULY believe that stupid things are so important that all the ridiulouc drama adds up and it explodes. none of it is real. none of it is fact. it's not fair...life??

...........can anyone help me???

am i wasting my time???

Where is this love..i feel so emotionally drained. like all my emotions are running together. like i could separate terrible hurt and sorrow, from total ecstacy. it's so hard to feel this way when i KNOW that i could be sooo much happier.

I just want to go...


....crawl back into my nonexsistant hole. the hole of nothing. a hole that comsumes all my well being. it hides my strengths and weaknesses. surrounds my body with warmth.....



........sometimes i think that nothing will happen. i feel like there is no one that can brighten my day. like i'm all alone in the this world of terrible sorrows. then i see someone smiling at me. telling me everything is going to be ok. telling me i'm everything, and i deserve to be happy. it makes me feel so much better. i feel like the entire world is mine. it's all in the palm of my hands.....




.....those sorrows deaden, truths and smiles come sparkling through. sadness is over, my world is brand new.....

it gets so cold when i'm alone. theres no one here to hold me, or catch me when i fall. i've got nothing to grasp on to. i've truly got nothing at all. all my dreams become illusions. all my truths become lies. i can no longer keep on living. i cant lock up what's inside. there's nothing to be here for i think i've had enough. so many nights i lay awake crying wondering what COULD have been. then i think to myself i should be happy. things this small shouldn't affect my emotions. but there are so many i lose control. i have nothing to be here for. no one to love me. no one to hate. this life cant go on with out you. there are times you think something will go on forever. there are times when your love seemed so sweet. sincerity was what i thought we had. then i turn over and wake up and you're gone. you left me cold and lonely. and this is where i'm wrong. i thought i needed you. but alone is where i belong....

ok, so....life! do you really think that things will get better? isn't everything just a cover up for reality. aren't things just horrible and people pretend to be ok? are thigs really as great as people show. i think that everything is a lie. people are liars, cheaters and fucking assholes.

i just can't deal with it all!!! for real it's gay?! these fucking people in this world are stupid. i dont know whether to shut up and smile or run away!

i just dont dont know!

uhhh...so i told alberto about the rachael thing. and how he's only getting hurt by her. it was too hard for me to lie to him. i felt too bad. it was just fucked up for me to lie to my "best friend". i mean rachael did lie about shit and in that case he should find out about it. I just dont want him to get hurt. it's just fucked up!?! you know? i'm just too lazy to type right now...life!

SkiTtlE 0s: blue.
SkiTtlE 0s: a sort of crystal blue.
DaWhitestTrash: wow, your good.
DaWhitestTrash: no one else knows
SkiTtlE 0s: a really pretty blue..
SkiTtlE 0s: i was thinking about it earlier
SkiTtlE 0s: that when some boy falls in love with you
SkiTtlE 0s: your eyes will haunt him
SkiTtlE 0s: and consume him
SkiTtlE 0s: and he'll always tell you how beuatiful they are
SkiTtlE 0s: and how beauitiful you are

Life?!! Oh over the drama? yes, I am. It's 6:39 and i can't sleep. It's not like i EVER went to sleep..but oh well. I just really don't feel good. I feel sick, my throat hurts, my back hurts, my head hurts, and my stomach hurts. It's really cold outside adn I'm lonely!?!?! Last night i was on the phone with *him* and we were talking about sex *like always* and i said "Wait! Your the guy that can't find his pressure points right?" Like there's more than one guy. WTF i kinda screwed everything up...And I'm REALLY over how much drama there is. I mean you either want me or you dont! make up your mind...



....Life is what you make it. But what if I don't make it anything? Then Am I nothing? What happens....I'm lost!?

"Is there more to life than chasing down every temporary high? To satisfy me.."

MrPlayboy650: he wants cutch