did you ever meet someone and immediately think of them as some sort of connection.
like a connection you couldn't play, but you know that its real. really real. it feels real.

but what feels real anymore? i don't remember the last time I had a feeling of my own. i spend all my time high from smoking weed and having day dreams and fantasies.
living my life through writing and reading. creating relationships with characters in my novels for my real life....

I'm kind of confused about where I want life to take me. I want to maintain a certain life style, and with how things are going I am not sure how easy it will be.
I want to have meaningless sex.

I believe that I met my soulmate, well, someone whose soul perfectly matches my own. someone who can read my mind, who loves everything that I love. who can endure me sexually. who wants to. who is intelligent. reads, writes, musically incline. smokes a calabash pipe. this is the person of my dreams, but what do I do? I sit here, that's my thing. I get excited for something, and I never follow through. I'm finally living somewhere away from my parents. I wish I had my car, but I don't so that makes my life 100% more difficult than it should be.
Either way, I've been having these crazy mind highs, out of body almost... I've been feeling very strange, but very good.


There is something about the way I feel that makes me forget all the past, forget anything and everything that happens in the past present and future. all that will happen.

I feel ok. alive.