there is something about my life that makes me worry a lot.

i'm scared of failing. Im scared of never seeing my family again. i'm scared of not seeing my grandmother.
but what i need to realize is that I have control over my own life. no one else does.


i need to really believe that.
i honestly need to do whatever it takes to get my life back in order. i don't necessarily know what I mean by that.
i wont do anything!


but... there are certain things that I won't do... like have sex with perez hilton.

i dunno.
i also want to see illegal tender i put that in here so i wont forget.

since i've been here in georgia i've seen a lot of good movies. not in theatres.

i had never seen them. i watched:
1. Sin city: it was really good. interesting, i hope to see more comic book style movies. jessica alba is sexy. and i love jamie king.
2. Wet Hot American Summer: hilarious. christopher meloni (the dude from law and order 'eliot stabler') was in it. HILARIOUS. "tastes like pussy!" hahahah and that woman that says "i need you to pick me up some lube *whispers* for my pussy!"
3. A scanner Darkly: it was really interesting. fucked up. kind of within someone's mind. you know? a weird drug people use all the time. very addicting. hallucinagenics. weirddddddd. but its realy good.
4. last but certainly not least harold and kumar go to whitecastle! i was so high. and they were. and fuck... it really is all about sweet satisfaction of getting the delicious munchie food you want!

that's pretty much it. i've learned a lot of random things.
i've only met one person. it's trae's friend matt. he's cool as shit. but he hates me. i don't really care i just kind of exist disliking someone is boring to me. too much effort. hahahah i hope that's how he feels about it.

i applied at the store where trae works, and at verizon i hope i get hired at either place. fuck! i need a job so bad.

i miss my mommy. and daddy. and becca. aaack! and my friends!

i'm not going to lie, right now i'm living a cooler version of my life in arizona. i wish i could have gotten more into the san francisco lifestyle. too bad all i enjoy is smoking pot. i think a good drug period in my life would be mind expanding.. but i don't want to fuck up, and ruin my life!
good times. i wish i was high.