i'm cold, i need to stretch. i'm exhausted.

basically, i'm writing today to tell you all about my grandfather (he is an adopted grandparent) friends of my parents. who adopted them as their parents... basically, they're my grandparents.
well... today, I found out that he has 2-5 days to live... which is a very short time. it's so upsetting..I was thinking, right now, I'd let myself die so my nana's heart wasn't broken. here I am upset about nick breaking my little heart, my corenia is losing the love of her life. they've been together for over fifty years... they're so in love. and he's on his deathbed... I can't even imagine losing someone I am that i nlove with, or that close to. Having that amaizng life together, coming up through so many things. goodness, i can't imagine.

i guess all love has to come to an end.. and that's the sad, sad truth..

I live in this whirlpool of drama, frenzy, and pain. I swear my life doesn't even slow down for a minute. And when it does, I feel soooo depressed. and so alone.
I've discovered a new love for saving money. also, I'm in love with nick, or atleast I think I am. I haven't actually tested my theory. It's really too bad that I've gotten myself to where I am, based on a few goodnight kisses, amazing oral, and makeout sessions, and some sexual encounters. I don't know, the first time he kissed me, it was on the top of my head. I think it was just to be nice because I kissed him on the arm, but still... it was sweet. who knows!
now he wants to be friends with no physical or sexual stuff.. I don't mind if we don't have sex... but I guess I want something more than a friendship. Apparently it is just out of the questions, and I truly believe that I am scaring him away. I'm so passionate and outgoing, but why would that be scary? Unless, of course, he is shy, and perhaps he does like me a lot. Maybe he is just a pussy. I don't even know... we'll see how things go...