la la la. i have nothing to say.

right now.. im feeling so much. i feel.. sad.. remorse.. pain.. love.. anguish.. terror.. fear.. lonely. i couldn't pick one emotion to describe how i feel. but.. i wish i could. .things are weird right now.. Shawn and I are weird.. I have soooo many feelings about him.. but.. I dont know its almost like.. I'm jumping off a bridge.. i know he'll catch me..but.. i feel liek at the last second.. im gonna jump in a different place. which is scawy. i love him so much. more than i could ever imagine. and.. its like.. i've loved so much..that i feel like my love is redundant. i feel my love has over loaded and become the begginning again. like i need to start over... and love him once more.. untill my passion cant get deeper.. and i start frmo scratch once again. i cried today, for more than 3 hours. yesturday... more than 4. things just haven't been the same. i care for too many people. in ways that are unattainable. my love for shawn keeps growing.. while im slowly allowing my relationships wiht all others in my life deteriorate. so many people have hurt me. i mean in a friend ship sort of way.. i've had so many people just leave me- high and dry. like im nothing. well i am something *i'm* lysa. and im worth the trouble. im worth the pain. and through it all, i'll stick by your side..and carry you every step of the way, if you needed me too. me.. always wearing my heart on my sleeve..allowing anyone who wishes to have a piece of my soul, usually. but now.. my heart and soul belongs to shawn. and i refuse to share. adolfo still has a large part of me.. but.. really...i feel like.. hes changed so much.
||* shot outs? *||
::adolfo:: i care for you so deeply. you're my best friend and like a brother. i know i tell you always.. but.. my love for you runs deeper than anyone could ever love you. i know you're going through some strange emotional thing.. but just know.. you wont fall apart... but you always know.. if you do fall to pieces.. im always here.. to glue you back together. you can be my humpty dumpty. always friends. and we better be. i love you with my entire well being. always. lysa
::Shawn::you are.. and always will be my lovely. i'll never stop loving you. ever. and i'll never stop caring no matter what. i've never felt such deep emotion for someone. ever. you are truly my everything. and im really sorry about tonight... honestly, my aunt forced me to go with her. and then i called you.. like.. 4 times afterwards and it wouldnt' go through cause you were at home.. and your cell phone only works in that one spot. anywhoooo.. back to what i was saying.. i love you. always and forever. and i can't wait to talk to you. i can't wait one more moment. heh i love you with all of me. alllllllllll of me. <3 bye my lovely. i heart you. always. lysa oohhhh i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you
::Jordan::you're just a jerk.. who doesn't understand. you only use me. and im sick of it. learn. please. i decided, just now, taht i'll speak to you again. but.. you need to learn how to treat people. have a nice night bye bye dearest. <3 lysa
::tony:: after today...i hope you rot. no one has ever hurt me as bad as you did today. no one has ever made me feel the remorse for knowing you as you have. as friends..you mean nothing. as a relationship.. you mean so much less. that sucked. rot. have a nice day
::sydney:: my love. we haven't caught up in a while. i love you dearly, and you are one of the people that changed me.. and made my life better. i just wish i could do the same.. iwish i had the power to make you feel better. or make things in your life better for you. i know things are fine now. or atleast i hope so... but i've never been able to fix things.. in the past. and im sorry for that. after moving. its kind of like..we grew apart. which scares me because we were so close.. liek sisters. but i figure.. we'll be close again. because i knwo our friendship is never ending. well. i must go. i need sleep. <3 bye bye my dearest. bye, lysa
::baby sister:: i dont know whats going on with you. you dont even talk to me anymore. .and when you do.. we fight. constantly. i love you with all my heart.. and i dont know what i'd do if i lost you. you mean so much to me. more tahn anyone else ever will. with the exception of Shawn, of course, i love him..<3 <3 anyway. i love you stacy. i just wish we talked more. and that you didn't feel that remorse that you feel towards me. i care abotu you. talk to you soon, hopefully. bye bye dearest. <3 baby baby older sister


well my friends.. and fellow journalers. have a nice evening and an amazing morning. shawn i love you. adolfo i love you. sydney i love you. stacy i lov eyou. all others in my journal are a horrible waste of space. oh and adam, dont thin i forgot you. you just got off easy.. in not ruining my life <3 you and syd are cuteys. i love you both <3 <3 bye bye dearest
nini my loves!? except the 2 who are shunned :D nini

cha cha cha chia. im very happy. today i decided i want to go to prom :) im gonna go. i think. i found a dress. shoes. and jewelry! god im unbelievably excited. like shit myself excited..i dont know why..but for some reason i keep getting myself set up to get hurt. its like i want to feel pain. its like..i wanna be hurt. but i know i dont. i know that its bad for me. because i get lonely..and it sucks. but anyway. someone just told me they were gonna take a shit. thats sexy as hell...everyone.. do me now.

Name four of your biggest habits:
1. Sarcasm
2. I get attached too easily.
3. I fall in love fast
4. I'm a hater

Name four things you wish you had:
1. Happiness
2. the perfect body
3. closer love
4. a life

Name three scents you love:
1. Victorias Secret - Pink
2. Carebears - Cheerbear purfume
3. Very Sexy

Name four things you'd never wear:
1. a business suit
2. penny loafers
3. louis vuitton anything
4. anything from any teeny weeny store

Name four things that you did today:
1. Listened to Lacuna Coil
2. talked to Sydney
3. slept.
4. woke up adolfo at 8:30 (its early mind you)

Name four of your favorite things to do:
1. Give kisses
2. get and give hugs.
3. love
4. sing

Name four things you have bought:
1. A wife beater that says "bad kitty"
2. post-its that are in the shape of lips
3. minute maid fruit punch
4. a post card for Max

Name four things you drink regularly:
1. Minute Maid Juices
2. Pink Lemonade
3. Water
4. Chai Tea

Last time you cried?
2 nights ago

Last thing you laughed at?
the stupid things that Jordan said to me on the phone last night

What's in your cd player?
Stevie Ray Vaughn, Lacuna Coil, Poison the Well

What color socks are you wearing?
pink, wiht dark pink polka dots

What's under you bed?
blankets. and my journal

What time did you wake up today?
well my cousin woke me up at 8

Current hair?
brown now.. and short

Current worry?
I have to go to the doctor.. and I dont know what might be wrong with me. I'm scared

If you could play an instrument?
flute

Favorite color?
tinkle me pink

How tall are you?
5'4 ish

Favorite season?
definately.. spring.. its all sunny and pretty and fresh.. mmmm :creams:

hmmmmm. why do i always write at like 11. ew. im so gay. ha jus for that im waiting an hour

sooooooooooo.. its morning. and im uber uber tired.. i really just wan to lounge for the rest of my life..but i'm a little too lazy. im excited steph is here for her 18th and we're going out. shes getting a tattoo tonight. im excited! we're going to a club sometime this weekend. its gonna be super super fun. seriously. i dont usually like going out .. but for steph i will. i wnna spend time wiht her. a lot of time. it should be fun. hopefully no drunken fights lol or fights between the 3 of us. hah more than likely that we do fight. irritability is a family trait. doot doot. (yes, sydney my love..i did steal that from you) anyway. i'm bored and waiting for Jordan to come back. I was up late last night.. and fell asleep without him. I felt back lol. oh well i didn't sleep and then i woke up really really early to my aunt squeezing my face. ugh that was so mean. i coudln't sleep after that.

i soooo want to go to the warped tour.. early november will be there!! yay!! omg! im so excited they're amazing. sydney.. do you and adam want to go to warped tour wiht me. i know that adam likes TEN because hes the reason i started listening.. i heard one song..by accident that he gave me the name of it.. and now i'm hooked they're so amazing. anyway.. let me know i'm stoked.

today was a good day. i had my convo from jordan here.. but it really was too personal. he was right. so its gone. but it was really good. so fuck off to all who wanted to read it :smiles:

this entry was gay