right now.. im feeling so much. i feel.. sad.. remorse.. pain.. love.. anguish.. terror.. fear.. lonely. i couldn't pick one emotion to describe how i feel. but.. i wish i could. .things are weird right now.. Shawn and I are weird.. I have soooo many feelings about him.. but.. I dont know its almost like.. I'm jumping off a bridge.. i know he'll catch me..but.. i feel liek at the last second.. im gonna jump in a different place. which is scawy. i love him so much. more than i could ever imagine. and.. its like.. i've loved so much..that i feel like my love is redundant. i feel my love has over loaded and become the begginning again. like i need to start over... and love him once more.. untill my passion cant get deeper.. and i start frmo scratch once again. i cried today, for more than 3 hours. yesturday... more than 4. things just haven't been the same. i care for too many people. in ways that are unattainable. my love for shawn keeps growing.. while im slowly allowing my relationships wiht all others in my life deteriorate. so many people have hurt me. i mean in a friend ship sort of way.. i've had so many people just leave me- high and dry. like im nothing. well i am something *i'm* lysa. and im worth the trouble. im worth the pain. and through it all, i'll stick by your side..and carry you every step of the way, if you needed me too. me.. always wearing my heart on my sleeve..allowing anyone who wishes to have a piece of my soul, usually. but now.. my heart and soul belongs to shawn. and i refuse to share. adolfo still has a large part of me.. but.. really...i feel like.. hes changed so much.
||* shot outs? *||
::adolfo:: i care for you so deeply. you're my best friend and like a brother. i know i tell you always.. but.. my love for you runs deeper than anyone could ever love you. i know you're going through some strange emotional thing.. but just know.. you wont fall apart... but you always know.. if you do fall to pieces.. im always here.. to glue you back together. you can be my humpty dumpty. always friends. and we better be. i love you with my entire well being. always. lysa
::Shawn::you are.. and always will be my lovely. i'll never stop loving you. ever. and i'll never stop caring no matter what. i've never felt such deep emotion for someone. ever. you are truly my everything. and im really sorry about tonight... honestly, my aunt forced me to go with her. and then i called you.. like.. 4 times afterwards and it wouldnt' go through cause you were at home.. and your cell phone only works in that one spot. anywhoooo.. back to what i was saying.. i love you. always and forever. and i can't wait to talk to you. i can't wait one more moment. heh i love you with all of me. alllllllllll of me. <3 bye my lovely. i heart you. always. lysa oohhhh i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you
::Jordan::you're just a jerk.. who doesn't understand. you only use me. and im sick of it. learn. please. i decided, just now, taht i'll speak to you again. but.. you need to learn how to treat people. have a nice night bye bye dearest. <3 lysa
::tony:: after today...i hope you rot. no one has ever hurt me as bad as you did today. no one has ever made me feel the remorse for knowing you as you have. as friends..you mean nothing. as a relationship.. you mean so much less. that sucked. rot. have a nice day
::sydney:: my love. we haven't caught up in a while. i love you dearly, and you are one of the people that changed me.. and made my life better. i just wish i could do the same.. iwish i had the power to make you feel better. or make things in your life better for you. i know things are fine now. or atleast i hope so... but i've never been able to fix things.. in the past. and im sorry for that. after moving. its kind of like..we grew apart. which scares me because we were so close.. liek sisters. but i figure.. we'll be close again. because i knwo our friendship is never ending. well. i must go. i need sleep. <3 bye bye my dearest. bye, lysa
::baby sister:: i dont know whats going on with you. you dont even talk to me anymore. .and when you do.. we fight. constantly. i love you with all my heart.. and i dont know what i'd do if i lost you. you mean so much to me. more tahn anyone else ever will. with the exception of Shawn, of course, i love him..<3 <3 anyway. i love you stacy. i just wish we talked more. and that you didn't feel that remorse that you feel towards me. i care abotu you. talk to you soon, hopefully. bye bye dearest. <3 baby baby older sister


well my friends.. and fellow journalers. have a nice evening and an amazing morning. shawn i love you. adolfo i love you. sydney i love you. stacy i lov eyou. all others in my journal are a horrible waste of space. oh and adam, dont thin i forgot you. you just got off easy.. in not ruining my life <3 you and syd are cuteys. i love you both <3 <3 bye bye dearest
nini my loves!? except the 2 who are shunned :D nini