Another time starts now
Looking back on my life, I remember all the horrible times I had as a child, all my heartbreak, lost friendships. my heart could only be strewn about so many times, after that, I'm shattered.
but I'm a strong girl...
rewind to 4 years old..
She opens her eyes, it's another carefree day in her life. Her mother dresses her and her younger sister. She's and her sister are both wearing ruffly little pink dresses. They looked so cute, so sweet, so innocent.
They go to the fruit stand that her family shared with another family.
Two older boys...15 and 17
That's right, much older. She and her sister are told they are to play with these boys again, they have been for the last month atleast.
"I'm supposed to touch you, where?" She said...
He told her to touch herself. He wanted her to touch herself and let him watch.
Of course, she didn't get it, she just does as she's told.
She cries and watches him touch himself on his crotch, not understanding she just lwatches and cries.
She hears her sister crying too, she looks over and the other boy is making her touch him.. on the thing that this boy is touching...
She starts sobbing, so loudly, she asks him if her mommy knows about this, he tells her no, that it's what they're supposed to be doing, that she can't stop it..
fast forward to now... she remembers being told she cant' stop it, by her father. when he would beat her.. she's been told no one can doa nything about it so manyt imes...
rewind back to four..
in the old warehouse, filled with blackwidows and webs. cries of two little girls doing something that they didn't understand. beign told it was right, and htat they should. being told that this was life.. and her mother and father would be angry with her if she didn't do it, or if she talked about it.
She remembers this going on for years, seeing and hearing her sister being touched and herself feeling it.
She remembers numbing herself.. for three long years not understanding.
She starts school, the school goes from kindergarten to 12th grade...
The boys told all their friends... It's life shattering to have a reputation of a slut at 6 years old..it really is.
She gets taunted and yelled at... cooed at, if you will... how does a six year old react to older boys (men to a six year old) wanting her to touch them, and pleasure them, from what she understands...
On the last night they were there...the boys took them to give them a nap.. and took the girls out to the shed. She wasn't sure what happened from there, she was too tired. too distraught to fight it.
it hurt.. she was bleeding down there.
she knew it. she was screaming
and crying..
and passing out
her eyes were closed.
she heard her sister's cries
her sister trying to get away.
we didn't understand.
is that so wrong? we didn't know this was bad.
they told us if we didn't do it.. my mommy would get angry
how can you do this to a child? a small child.
you have to be really sick..
fast forward to 18, she told hermother about it, finally.
she acted disgusted towards her.
like she was the problem.
like it was all her fault and like she was a whore
she cried for hours.
how does a mother tell her own daughter that she hates her?
she calls her a slut for being raped..
Looking back on my life, I remember all the horrible times I had as a child, all my heartbreak, lost friendships. my heart could only be strewn about so many times, after that, I'm shattered.
but I'm a strong girl...
rewind to 4 years old..
She opens her eyes, it's another carefree day in her life. Her mother dresses her and her younger sister. She's and her sister are both wearing ruffly little pink dresses. They looked so cute, so sweet, so innocent.
They go to the fruit stand that her family shared with another family.
Two older boys...15 and 17
That's right, much older. She and her sister are told they are to play with these boys again, they have been for the last month atleast.
"I'm supposed to touch you, where?" She said...
He told her to touch herself. He wanted her to touch herself and let him watch.
Of course, she didn't get it, she just does as she's told.
She cries and watches him touch himself on his crotch, not understanding she just lwatches and cries.
She hears her sister crying too, she looks over and the other boy is making her touch him.. on the thing that this boy is touching...
She starts sobbing, so loudly, she asks him if her mommy knows about this, he tells her no, that it's what they're supposed to be doing, that she can't stop it..
fast forward to now... she remembers being told she cant' stop it, by her father. when he would beat her.. she's been told no one can doa nything about it so manyt imes...
rewind back to four..
in the old warehouse, filled with blackwidows and webs. cries of two little girls doing something that they didn't understand. beign told it was right, and htat they should. being told that this was life.. and her mother and father would be angry with her if she didn't do it, or if she talked about it.
She remembers this going on for years, seeing and hearing her sister being touched and herself feeling it.
She remembers numbing herself.. for three long years not understanding.
She starts school, the school goes from kindergarten to 12th grade...
The boys told all their friends... It's life shattering to have a reputation of a slut at 6 years old..it really is.
She gets taunted and yelled at... cooed at, if you will... how does a six year old react to older boys (men to a six year old) wanting her to touch them, and pleasure them, from what she understands...
On the last night they were there...the boys took them to give them a nap.. and took the girls out to the shed. She wasn't sure what happened from there, she was too tired. too distraught to fight it.
it hurt.. she was bleeding down there.
she knew it. she was screaming
and crying..
and passing out
her eyes were closed.
she heard her sister's cries
her sister trying to get away.
we didn't understand.
is that so wrong? we didn't know this was bad.
they told us if we didn't do it.. my mommy would get angry
how can you do this to a child? a small child.
you have to be really sick..
fast forward to 18, she told hermother about it, finally.
she acted disgusted towards her.
like she was the problem.
like it was all her fault and like she was a whore
she cried for hours.
how does a mother tell her own daughter that she hates her?
she calls her a slut for being raped..
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