When she was a child, her father would tell her she was a klingon, that's right, like startrek.
She would cry about it.
He told her one day she would get those terrible ridges in her forehead and that was why she got headaches all the time.
He said one day they would come take her away.
Of course, this was all a joke, but as you can see from the beginning her father made her hurt.
He isn't the man he's thought to be, he isn't loving, compassionate
He doesn't show it, atleast
When she was a small child, he would hit her.
Her sister and herself would put books under their clothes because it hurt so bad.
They would have bruises...
but why would the towns most lovable man beat his children? they must be playing around a lot, falling down, getting hurt on their own.
It wasn't believable.
And she couldn't tell...how could she? She was told it was right, and there was nothing anyone coiuld do about it, he was just disciplining them.
He moved them to a new city, another town, so many times while she was growing up..
she doesn't even remember where it all began.
She was born in a small town near san jose...
moved to forest hill (near sacramento)
then chico, then clear lake,
then forest hill (again)
then san jose
then madera
coarse gold
oakhurst,
los banos
then back to san jose
to forest hill
to los banos again,
then to half moon bay. those are all the places she remembers...
She's been here for years..this is where all her memories take place
she gazes out her window, tears rolling down her cheeks and chin
'can I really take another day of this? i don't think i can'
she looks down to the welt marks on her arms and legs. she runs her fingers over the bumps. he took her cell phone, unplugged her phone in her room. she wasn't allowed to see her friends or go on the internet...
no, no, she isn't a small child. she's 17
fast forward to seventeen.. (I moved to half moon bay when i was 7 approximately 10 years of his abuse, so far, now I'm 19)
she hadn't left the house for anything but school in months
her eighteenth was coming soon, it was november. two months.
she would cry all day, journal all night...did her friends even notice she was hurting? no..
she isn't even sure they cared.
do you know what it's like.. fake popularity? it's ridiculous. they all pretend to care, they all pretend to love.. but she's been taught by the most fake of them all;
her father.
she can swallow her tears, and bite her lip.
she'll fuck the pain away.
or atleast she'll allow the pain to be fucked away.
she'll fuck herself, and cry.
she remembers those nights when her sister and herself would go out and play all night, until dark atleast
the people they met, the friends they made, it was amazing
she could travel anywhere and have a friend, just from the people staying at the park.
she made friends who made her real friends disappear, the hurt, the anguish, the lies.
all gone with her new friends.


she looks back down to the welts on her thighs, a tear drips down and lands on her leg...
she can't take this anymore...
she decides to go away.
away from her father, her family
she can't stand his abuse...it's killing her
ruining her life.

she drops out of school just days before her birthday
she plans on going into independent studies.. but god only knows.
she's secretly got her ticket to her far away place
her bags are packed
just days after her birthday
she leaves, takes her bags
tears just rolling down her cheeks.
she can't believe she's doing this
she can't hold it in.

Her strongwilled mind is forcing her to follow through..and to her suprised it hurts a lot more than she expected.
she makes a call from a payphone, asking a friend to pick her up.. just a friend.
her ride arrives and she gets in, and is driven to the restaurant. she's sobbing by now, this is all so real
she's left her true home, she knows what she has to do
what her plans are...
she spends a few days with "friends"
being tossed around, her last night is with sydney... she cries all night..
tells her thank you for being there for her.. although she feels so alone tonight.
she remembers all their times together. their friendship, if you will.
the next morning, paige takes her to the bus station and she leaves for this long journey...
journals go with her, heart goes with her, love goes with her.
nothing from anyone else, though...
nothing, really.
her parents have no idea where she's gone,
her sister breaks the silence once she's on the bus and tells them...
how could she? their promise!
maybe she's worried? who knows

fast forward to today.. .I'm 19 years old, crying over my memories wondering why I've done so much in my life.. I've grown up so fast
I've had such deep emotions for so long.. I can't hold it in anymore, I guess a lot of parents beat their children and it isn't such a big deal, from what I hear.. but what about the parents who hit their children with leather whips? who called them names, and shattered their dreams from the time they were small children?
How do you expect me to forgive him for all of this? I have no dreams because he stole them from me when I was a child...
Imagine this only being from my father.. I don't even know where to begin with the rest of my life.. rape, lies, cheap sex, heartbreak..where to start?
she'll figure it out...it's for another time, anyway.