There is nothing harder than seeing the people closest to you die. Watching them and their memory slowly fade away. I dont know what it feels like to have the person you are in love with fade away, but I have had two very very close people die. My grandmother, and grandfather. I'd rather not get into everything that happened there.. Just know, they both are no longer with us. My Grandma due to alzheimers and my Grandpa due to self hate. Its insanely hard to deal with someone you care about so much leaving this world. You always try to think that things will be fine, that you wont hurt, and that they are "In a better place," but you always miss them. You always cherish their memories. Its harder to live with the mere thought that you will never see them again. That you will never hear them breath, or share some dinner. Or even be close to them at all, all of that is gone. Once that person you cherish leaves the world... you never see them again. And all you have is memories. I recently read "The Notebook" by Nicholas Sparks, it was a well written book. Usually I dont like Nicholas Sparks but this book took my breath away. It brought me to tears and literally hurt me. This book made me think, it made me realize what I wanted out of life. I saw that it isn't love that I want from life, its a type of love that wont die. Its love that I will cherish for my entire life. And I cannot get that from some stupid boy. I need to get to know someone, like with Dustin, I am gettign know him. and cherishing every moment we spent together. Reminiscing all the good times. I think that I want to get to know him more, I want to fall in love. I think about him all day, and all night I dream about him. He makes me so freakishly happy that even my parents have noticed. Anyway, I better get going I am hungry and I have work later on. around 2. Shower and food, and such. Good-day.