i have this amazing writing here it is....i wonder who wrote it! maybe the LOVE of my life sydney tan????


when i think of him it's collapse. it's sweet nights and quiet thoughts. unspoken sweetness and taking things too slow for my frieght train crashes. I want to crawl up within myself, within him and live solely for the tenderness in his arms, in his hands gently burshing my face, fingers tracing scars unseen. Sometimes i feel the strongest urge to say "i love you." But that doesn't mean i love him. I couldn't love him because i know not to love. I know to never speak with my heart, just simply give. I want to give him my heart. Have him hold it in his chest, protect it from my falling ribs. Swallow it down, taste my blood, have a bit of me in him forever. I want him to take me, conquer me, steal me heart and soul. To own me, consume me, to love me so passionate it burns. To need me so much i could break him. But i now that instead he'll break me. Tear me apart and abuse me. I want him inmy flesh, in my body, in me so entirely i could never get him out. I want him to break down my defenses and strip me so i'm vulnerable. vulnerable to any of his words, actions, and neglections.

I scares me how much syndey feels and yes does not SPEAK her emotions aloud. i would be open for lyk 1 minute i would be exuberantly ecstatic....true happiness needs to be expressed or you lose it. it saddens me to know that she doesn't WANT to express her feelings. i am here for her, and she knows it and i know she wants to say somethings...but she expresses herself thru writing much like i do...just i wihsh that she would tell me how she is feeling rather than writing!?!? shes juss such an amazing person i am really glad that she is my friend. it means a lot to have her listen to me. and like me, and juss treat me good. i never have REAL friends and i think that she qualifies as an AMAZING person!?!!