Thursday, December 16, 2004

life...hm, well. I haven't really done the whole update thing in a long, long time.
Mainly because so much ridiculous bullshit has been accumulating in my life, that none of it really qualifies as "drama."
Let's see, I ended things with Dustin.
Had a few "flings" you may call it. Gosh, that sounds awfully slutty. I'd like to think I'm not a slut, because I'm not. Having fun, and fucking anythign that walks (unprotected) are two different things. At anyrate, New crushes, school. Reading.
Well, I've always read a lot. because It's easy for me to get myself away from the crap I "deal" with. If you haven't noticed I use a lot,.."-" Quotation marks. Mainly because the things I feel and say are pseudo feelings or thoughts. Anyway, I've probably lied to more people and hurt more people than I could ever think of, but hey.. who doesn't do that.
This world, our nation specifically prides itself on self gain. Which I find completely repulsive, but I suppose that happens as well.
Hmmm, I've been used for sex, money, everthing lately. I'm sick of it. I refuse to even put out anymore, ever gain. I could careless if I like sex or anything. I prefer to masturbate, I really do. Nobody knows me like me.
Alright, let's list people.
Ryan & and Dustin came about the same time.. circa?
Dustin and I met under odd circumstances, online. Weird. Anyway, he and I decided that when/if he came out, he and I would be fuck buddies. But we never got around to it, because I'm an idiot. and I developed feelings for him, and of course like any other person, he allowed it because it feels nice to be loved. Anyway, so yes. Of course I fall in love with him, and allow him to use me for sex and money. Then he moves away and that's the end of that, only I still have feelings for him and he doesn't have any for me and gets a new girlfriend and treats me like crap. he also said really horrible things to me.
Now is a good time for me to break in the story. I'll publish this so you all can read about my life. Then I'll post more later.
ciao

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