Okay, so I haven't written here in a while. I decided that I need to update, because I hvaen't been, and I really don't wish for anyone to be reading my livejournal. It's cheesy shit with fake feelings.
Anyway. I've been crying and crying for a few days.
I'm really unhappy. I don't even know why.
I can't seem to express my feelings, and I can't seem to know what I'm actually feeling, it's just all pouring from me in the form of tears, and it's sad. I left Sydney a myspace comment because I missed her. and we went to the park, it was so nice, I missed her so much. Then we sort of took a nap for like an hour, then I went to work, then we went to her house and snuggled with Casey Ward. Goodtimes. ahem.
I have this paper to write, I've been attending school lately. I even went to summer session the entire semester. I missed like.. two days. I am so happy about that.
Hopefully things will get better. I listened to a few songs that reminded me of Keith. Huge mistake. Then I listened tos ongs that reminded me of the good times with david haley. and that fucked me up. I was crying because of Keith, I think. I wish I never loved anyone. It is so hard to be able to express the feelings I have without hurting one person or another. So I just keep it to myself. Good thing no one reads this journal, I would be hurting some people with some things I have the potential of saying. I am so tired. I have class tonight, from 6-10:30. Hopefully I wont have to do anything. BLEH. That would be so boring.
BUT I know I have to write an essay (in class) and finish my other essay (ME) and also I have some quizzes to make up. Unfortunately, on the days I missed class there were a few quizzes that I still need to take. I need to take a math placement test, because I do have to take math courses in order to transfer. and I am such an idiot that I didn't take them both at the same time, So I will have to take them in the fall, and then take a math course in the spring. That would probably be the best idea, I don't want to drown myself in college, like I did a few semesters ago. Ugh.
I am listening to Dashboard Confessional, and crying. How sad.
"You'd like to think you were invincible, yeah, well weren't we all once, before we felt love for the first time?"
I'd have to agree with that faggot. I was invincible before Keith. B efore Bob. Before love.
I actually hate love, mainly because I haven't felt a fulfilled love. I just haven't, really. Usually somethign fucked up happens. He gets a girlfriend, or I lose interest. OR I don't express my feelings in time. I have terrible luck with relationships. Hopefully someday I will find the right person and things will work out, but until then I'll just cry myself to sleep and hope form y someone special.
Have you ever felt like nothing is yours? Like you can't express yourself to a point to feel better, you have to be dramatically vague? I can't stand doing this anymore. I can't, really.
Liz and Ashley and Bree are in Tahoe with some other girls from the Italy trip, apparently. I am excited for them to see the other girls. I wish I would have gone to Italy, it seemed like it was an amazing experience. I am so gladI made up with Liz and Ashley. I missed them.
I was telling Sydney how I never really feel close to them, though. I always feel sort of like a third wheel, and like I couldn't really get into the friendship we once had because we aren't as close anymore. Like, when I lay in bed iwht Sydney, she holds my hand and lays next to me, when I lay with liz or ashley. it's liike.. we aren't even close. They lay on the other sideo f the bed, perhaps they think I am a huge lesbian and are scared I'm going to try some freaky lesbo shit on them. I'm sh ot.
BURN THE LETTERS LOVER WROTE.
The memories will fade. I really need to take a shower. So bad.
I'm really emotionally detached from everything, and people notice that and think I'm jsut a cunt, but I'm not. I'm just never really sure how to express myself. If it helps.. I love you all.
Sydney.. I'm sorry.
I love you.
Anyway. I've been crying and crying for a few days.
I'm really unhappy. I don't even know why.
I can't seem to express my feelings, and I can't seem to know what I'm actually feeling, it's just all pouring from me in the form of tears, and it's sad. I left Sydney a myspace comment because I missed her. and we went to the park, it was so nice, I missed her so much. Then we sort of took a nap for like an hour, then I went to work, then we went to her house and snuggled with Casey Ward. Goodtimes. ahem.
I have this paper to write, I've been attending school lately. I even went to summer session the entire semester. I missed like.. two days. I am so happy about that.
Hopefully things will get better. I listened to a few songs that reminded me of Keith. Huge mistake. Then I listened tos ongs that reminded me of the good times with david haley. and that fucked me up. I was crying because of Keith, I think. I wish I never loved anyone. It is so hard to be able to express the feelings I have without hurting one person or another. So I just keep it to myself. Good thing no one reads this journal, I would be hurting some people with some things I have the potential of saying. I am so tired. I have class tonight, from 6-10:30. Hopefully I wont have to do anything. BLEH. That would be so boring.
BUT I know I have to write an essay (in class) and finish my other essay (ME) and also I have some quizzes to make up. Unfortunately, on the days I missed class there were a few quizzes that I still need to take. I need to take a math placement test, because I do have to take math courses in order to transfer. and I am such an idiot that I didn't take them both at the same time, So I will have to take them in the fall, and then take a math course in the spring. That would probably be the best idea, I don't want to drown myself in college, like I did a few semesters ago. Ugh.
I am listening to Dashboard Confessional, and crying. How sad.
"You'd like to think you were invincible, yeah, well weren't we all once, before we felt love for the first time?"
I'd have to agree with that faggot. I was invincible before Keith. B efore Bob. Before love.
I actually hate love, mainly because I haven't felt a fulfilled love. I just haven't, really. Usually somethign fucked up happens. He gets a girlfriend, or I lose interest. OR I don't express my feelings in time. I have terrible luck with relationships. Hopefully someday I will find the right person and things will work out, but until then I'll just cry myself to sleep and hope form y someone special.
Have you ever felt like nothing is yours? Like you can't express yourself to a point to feel better, you have to be dramatically vague? I can't stand doing this anymore. I can't, really.
Liz and Ashley and Bree are in Tahoe with some other girls from the Italy trip, apparently. I am excited for them to see the other girls. I wish I would have gone to Italy, it seemed like it was an amazing experience. I am so gladI made up with Liz and Ashley. I missed them.
I was telling Sydney how I never really feel close to them, though. I always feel sort of like a third wheel, and like I couldn't really get into the friendship we once had because we aren't as close anymore. Like, when I lay in bed iwht Sydney, she holds my hand and lays next to me, when I lay with liz or ashley. it's liike.. we aren't even close. They lay on the other sideo f the bed, perhaps they think I am a huge lesbian and are scared I'm going to try some freaky lesbo shit on them. I'm sh ot.
BURN THE LETTERS LOVER WROTE.
The memories will fade. I really need to take a shower. So bad.
I'm really emotionally detached from everything, and people notice that and think I'm jsut a cunt, but I'm not. I'm just never really sure how to express myself. If it helps.. I love you all.
Sydney.. I'm sorry.
I love you.
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